For the sake of full disclosure, this story didn’t happen to me. It happened to Marci, but it’s so much funnier told in first person that I decided to steal it for myself.
So this week I decided to go for one more run before the Cherry Blossom Ten Miler on Sunday. Since I was out that way anyways, I parked at Gravelly Point and ran North on the Mt. Vernon Trail. This is a trail I’ve done a thousand times before and it was broad daylight so I figured I was pretty safe.
Now, to understand the rest of the story, you should know that I have a completely irrational fear of birds. Maybe it’s because this city is infested with pigeons: the rats of the skies, or maybe it’s because the paleontologist on Science Friday last week berated Ira Flatow that dinosaurs are not extinct, but have evolved into birds. Maybe it’s not so irrational. Millions of people are flocking back to theaters this weekend to see Jurassic Park, 20 years after it’s original release. Why? Because dinosaurs are terrifying, and birds are dinosaurs, so there you go.
Anyways, there I was, running along the Mount Vernon trail, when I hit a roadblock. There was an entire flock of Canadian geese on both sides of the trail. So I stood there. Frozen. If I kept running, surely they would attack me and I would die. Just like the fat guy in Jurassic Park. So I stood there for about 5 minutes debating about turning around and running back to the car, when another jogger approached. I figured this was my opportunity to break through the roadblock for 3 reasons:
A.) Surely these geese won’t attack both of us.
B.) If I just run right behind him, they’ll attack him first. (my knight in shining under armor)
C.) If they do attack me, he’ll be here to see it and call the ambulance
So, with this solid logic behind me, I bolted and started running about 4 inches behind this guy. He was pretty slow, so I actually almost ran him over. I figured this seemed like pretty creepy running trail behavior, but he probably knew exactly what was going on, because fear of birds is totally normal, y’all.
Retrospectively, he probably thought I was a creepy weirdo. Aaaaaaand this is why I shouldn’t go running without calling my friend Megan.
Er, wait. This story totally happened to me.