Last week I bought some new running shoes. I wanted to break them in before the Disney Princess half marathon (only a week away!) so I ran on my treadmill every day last week. (Amazon has treadmills with free delivery for $199). For the low low price of $200, you too can have a home gym. LIKE OPRAH.
This is especially convenient because A.) It’s cold outside, B.) I live in an “up and coming” neighborhood (read: do not run outside by yourself at night, idiot)
By the end of the week, my arch of my right foot felt like it was ripping in half. Fantastic.
I asked Coach T and she said it was Planters Faschism or something. She said that running on the treadmill is the enemy of feet and knees. Something about the unnatural gait and unnatural speed of the treadmill makes your feet rip in half. She told me to ice my foot and roll a golf ball under my arch. Coach T is a genius and I do everything she tells me to do, so there is currently a golf ball under my desk.
WebMD says faschist feet are caused by being overweight. WebMD called me fat, y’all.
No, but seriously, it’s a real thing and it hurts like a mother.